Singleness - blessing or curse?

Singleness

About a third of adult Britain is single.  Some are young, some older.  Some have never married, while others are divorcees or bereaved. Some have chosen to be single.  Some are content.  Others feel frustrated.

The Bible’s word to singles (and marrieds!);

1. It is God’s gift to you and others (as is marriage).

Unhelpfully society can view being single as odd.  There’s nothing new in that.  First century Rabbi Eleazar said, “Any man who has no wife is no proper man.”   

In contrast Paul says singleness is a “gift” (1 Corinthians 7:7).

When Paul speaks of singleness as a gift, he is not speaking of a particular ability some people have to be contentedly single – i.e. a gift as something that generates pleasant feelings. Rather, he’s speaking of the state of being single – i.e. gifts as an opportunity made available to serve others, which is Paul’s usual understanding of a gift.  It is a gift from God, just as marriage is.  Our situation in life, whether it is singleness or marriage, is a gift of God to us and others.  It does not mean we will always be happily single (or happily married for that matter) but that God has gifted us with the relational state we are in as an opportunity.

2. It is good for you and others (as is being married).

In 1 Corinthians 7 we are told that single people avoid the “troubles” of marriage.  Paul means not just that marriage is hard work but that even when marriage is steady there are burdens and responsibilities associated with it. “I want to spare you this” Paul says (1 Corinthians 7:28). 

There are burdens marrieds are called to bear singles are free of.  “An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided” (1 Corinthians 7:32-34). 

A married person is called to care for their spouse and children. There is time, energy, creativity, and money rightly spent here that is not therefore available for witnessing to people, helping out at church or in the community, mentoring a younger Christian or serving elderly parents. Many activities in church life depend to a large extent on those who are not married or perhaps have reached a stage in marriage free of child-care responsibilities. For a particular few they consciously choose to stay single for this reason. However, most single people don’t consciously chose singleness yet the same advantages exist. In can be hard not to focus on the difficulties of being single instead of making the most of the advantages singleness has.

3. It is hard (as is marriage!).

“It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18) is the first hint that we are made for companionship. Though the New Testament is positive about singleness, marriage is regarded as the norm – as all society’s show.  Single people are therefore likely to struggle with loneliness and sexual temptation (as are marrieds, but it can be heightened in singles). Some will seek to lessen them by getting married – the Bible even commends this (1Corinthians 7).

Singles need to be proactive. We aren’t designed to be on our own so should seek to satisfy our need for intimacy in other, healthy relationships. That will mean taking the initiative in keeping in close contact with friends and family. We must be self-disciplined in “fleeing from sexual immorality” (1 Corinthians 6:18). Singles need to be especially deliberate in developing healthy friendships.

4. It is never forever (as marriage is never forever either!)

Singleness for many is just a period either before or after marriage. Others never marry. But ultimately all Christians marry a perfect spouse – Jesus. Jesus as the bridegroom will one day return to take his bride, the church as his wife.  On that day all pain will disappear, including the pain of a difficult marriage or singleness. “Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory! For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready” (Revelation 7:17; 19:7).

If you are single:

Whatever your experience of singleness, it is a gift from God.  Make the most of it.

Proactively make deep friendships.

Keep your eyes fixed on Christ.

If you are married:

Whatever your experience of marriage, it is a gift from God.  Make the most of it.

Make space for everyone, including singles, in your family.  There should be no lonely people in church.  Invite single people into a genuine place in your home and family.

Keep your eyes fixed on Christ.